I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
