hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my poor anus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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