i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize