She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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