What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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