Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were trust falling into bushes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
