I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
