Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
