Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
