You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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