Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
