look no pants
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
