I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
