Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
