Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
