you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
