if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
