it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I deserve this hangover.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
