She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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