I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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