i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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