It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I didn't shave. On purpose
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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