you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm really busy with my period
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