You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
