He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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