watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Floor bacon is actually really good
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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