I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
