just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
