so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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