it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
