Will you blow on my dice?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
