'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
