lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
