holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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