you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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