Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
