well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
