kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
