you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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