Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
