go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Soap is not a condiment
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
