yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
