my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
