marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
