ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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