She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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