thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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