His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
