proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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