this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
