She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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