I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
