imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize