i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
