took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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