turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
