I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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