break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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