I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
