Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
