so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
