I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
