Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
