you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize