I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
