Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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