just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
