Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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